Dr. Havel After Twenty Years Read online

"We talked about the fact," explained Havel to his wife, "that the ordinary taste of a small town creates a false ideal of beauty, which is essentially unerotic, even antierotic. Whereas genuine, explosive erotic magic remains unnoticed by those with such taste. There are women all around us who would be capable of leading a man to the most dizzying heights of sensual adventure, and no one here sees them."

  "That's right," confirmed the young man.

  "No one sees them," the doctor went on, "because they don't correspond to the local norms; that is to say, erotic magic shows itself by oddness rather than regularity, expressiveness rather than restraint, irregularity rather than ordinary prettiness."

  "Yes," agreed the young man.

  "You know Frantiska," said Havel to his wife.

  "Yes," said the actress.

  "And surely you know how many of my friends would give all their worldly goods for one night with her. I'd bet my life that in this town no one even notices her. Tell me, my dear editor, you know her, have you ever noticed that Frantiska is an extraordinary woman? "

  "No, actually I haven't!" said the young man. "It never occurred to me to look at her as a woman!"

  "Of course," said Havel. "You found her neither thin nor garrulous enough. She didn't have enough freckles!"

  "Yes," said the young man unhappily. "Yesterday you found out what an idiot I am."

  "But have you ever noticed how she walks?" continued Havel. "Have you ever noticed that her legs literally speak when she walks? My dear editor, if you heard what her legs were saying, you would blush, even though I know you're a hell of a libertine."

  9

  "You're making fools of innocent people," said the actress to her husband, when they had taken leave of the editor.

  "You know very well that in me that's a sign of good humor. And I swear to you that this is the first time I've been in a good mood since I arrived here."

  This time Dr. Havel was not lying; that morning when he had seen the bus coming into the terminal and caught sight of his wife behind the glass, and then seen her smiling on the step, he had been happy. And because the preceding days had stored up in him reserves of untouched gaiety, throughout the whole day he displayed a delight that was a bit mad. They strolled together through the colonnade, nibbled on sweet, round wafers, looked in on Frantiska and heard fresh information about her son's latest statements, completed the walk with the editor described in the preceding section, and made fun of the patients, who were walking through the streets for their health's sake. Upon this occasion, Dr. Havel noticed that several of the people who were walking about were staring at the actress; when he turned around he discovered that they were standing and looking back at them.

  "You've been recognized," said Havel. "The people here have nothing to do, and they've become passionate moviegoers."

  "Does it bother you?" asked the actress, who considered the publicity aspects of her profession a sin, for like all true lovers she longed for a love that was peaceful and hidden.

  "On the contrary," said Havel, and he laughed. Then for a long time he amused himself with the childish game of trying to guess who, out of those people walking around, would recognize her and who would not, and he made bets with her as to how many people would recognize her on the next street. And old men, peasant women, children did turn around, but so also did the few good-looking women who were to be found at the spa at that time.

  Havel, who in recent days had been experiencing humiliating invisibility, was pleasantly gratified by the attention of the passersby, and longed for the sparks of interest to alight, as much as possible, on him also; to this end, he put his arm around the actress's waist, bent down toward her, and whispered into her ear the most varied mixture of sweet-talk and lasciviousness, so that she too pressed herself against him in return and raised her merry eyes to his face. And Havel, beneath the many glances, felt how once more that he was regaining his lost visibility, that his dim features were becoming perceptible and conspicuous, and again he felt proud joy emanating from his body, from his gait, from his being.

  While they were dawdling on the main street in front of the window displays, entwined in loverlike fashion, Havel caught sight of the blonde masseuse who had treated him so impolitely yesterday; she was standing in an empty hunting goods store, gabbing with the salesgirl. "Come," he said to his startled wife, "you are the best creature in the whole world; I want to give you a present," and he took her by the hand and led her into the store.

  Both the chattering women fell silent; the masseuse took a long look at the actress, then a brief one at Havel, another look at the actress, and again one at Havel. Havel noted this with satisfaction but, without directing a single glance toward her, quickly scrutinized the goods on display; he saw antlers, haversacks, rifles, binoculars, walking sticks, muzzles for dogs.

  "What would you like to see?" the salesgirl asked him.

  "Just a minute," said Havel; finally he caught sight of some whistles under the glass of the counter and pointed to one of them. The salesgirl handed it to him, Havel put the whistle to his lips, whistled, then inspected it from all sides and once again whistled softly. "Excellent," he said to the salesgirl, and he placed before her the required five crowns. He gave the whistle to his wife.

  The actress saw in this gift one of those childishnesses she loved in her husband, his clowning, his sense of nonsense, and she thanked him with a beautiful, amorous look. But that wasn't enough for Havel; he whispered to her: "Is that all your thanks for such a lovely present?" And so the actress kissed him. Neither woman took her eyes off them, even after they had left the store.

  They resumed their walk in the streets and in the park, they nibbled on wafers, whistled on the whistle, sat on a bench, and made bets as to how many passersby would turn around to look at them. When in the evening they went into a restaurant, they nearly bumped into the woman who resembled a horse. She looked at them in surprise, stared at the actress for a long time, glanced briefly at Havel, then once again at the actress and, when she looked at Havel once more, involuntarily nodded to him. Havel nodded too, and bending toward his wife's ear, in a low voice asked if she loved him. The actress looked at him amorously and stroked his face.

  Then they sat down at a table, ate lightly (for the actress took scrupulous care of her husband's diet), drank red wine (for Havel was allowed to drink only that), and a wave of emotion swept over Mrs. Havel. She leaned toward her husband, took him by the hand, and told him that this was one of the nicest days she had ever spent; she opened her heart to him, saying how unhappy she had been when he had left for the spa; once again she apologized for her jealous woman's letter and she thanked him for phoning her and asking her to join him here; she told him that it would have been worthwhile for her to come see him even for only a minute; then she talked at length about how life with him was a life of continuous torment and uncertainty, as if Havel were always on the verge of escaping her, but that just for this reason every day was a new experience for her, a new falling in love, a new gift.

  Then they went off together to Havel's room, and the actress's joy soon reached its height.

  10

  Two days later Havel went again to his hydrotherapy session and again arrived somewhat late, because, to tell the truth, he was never on time anywhere. And there again was the blonde masseuse, only this time she didn't scowl at him, on the contrary, she smiled and addressed him as "Doctor," so Havel knew that shed looked up his file, or else had inquired about him. Dr. Havel noted this interest with satisfaction and began to undress behind the screen in the cubicle. When the masseuse called to him that the bath was full, he self-assuredly stepped forward with his paunch thrust out and, with relish, sprawled in the water.

  The masseuse turned on a faucet and asked him whether his wife was still at the spa. Havel said that she wasn't, and the masseuse asked if his wife would be acting again in some nice film. Havel said that she would, and the masseuse lifted up his right leg. When the stream of water tickled
his sole the masseuse smiled and said that the doctor, as was evident, had a very sensitive body. Then they went on talking, and Havel mentioned that it was boring at the spa. The masseuse smiled very meaningfully and said that the doctor certainly knew how to arrange his life so as not to be bored. And when she was bending down low over him, running the nozzle of the hose over his chest, Havel praised her breasts, whose upper halves he could easily see from where he was lying, and the masseuse replied that the doctor had certainly seen more beautiful ones.

  From all this it seemed quite obvious to Havel that his wife's brief visit had thoroughly transformed him in the eyes of this pleasant, muscular girl, that he had all of a sudden acquired charm and appeal, and, what is more, that his body was for her undoubtedly an opportunity that could secretly put her on intimate terms with a famous actress, make her equal to a celebrated woman everybody turned around to look at; Havel understood that suddenly everything was permitted him, everything was tacitly promised him in advance.

  But then what often happens happened! When a man is contented, he gladly turns down an opportunity that presents itself, so as to be reassured about his blissful satiety. It was enough for Havel that the blonde woman had lost her insulting haughtiness, that she had a sweet voice and meek eyes, for the doctor no longer to desire her.

  Then he had to turn over on his stomach, thrust his chin up out of the water, and let a stinging stream run over him from his heels to the nape of his neck. This position seemed to him to be a ritual position of humility and thanksgiving: He thought about his wife, about how beautiful she was, about how he loved her and she loved him, and also about how she was his lucky star that brought him the favors of chance and of muscular girls.

  And when the massage was over and he stood up to step out of the bath, the masseuse, wet with perspiration, seemed to him so wholesomely and succulently pretty and her eyes so submissively affectionate that he longed to make an obeisance in the direction where, faraway, he supposed his wife to be. It appeared to him that the masseuse's body was standing in the actress's large hand and that this hand was offering it to him like a message of love, like a gift. And it suddenly struck him as rudeness to his own wife to refuse this gift, to refuse this tender consideration. Therefore he smiled at the perspiring girl and said to her that he had freed himself this evening for her and would be waiting for her at seven o'clock at the hot springs. The girl consented, and Dr. Havel wrapped himself up in a large towel.

  When he had dressed and combed his hair, he discovered that he was in an extraordinarily good mood. He felt like chatting, and for this reason stopped at Frantiska's. His visit suited her, for she too was in excellent spirits. She talked about all sorts of things, but always returned to the subject they had touched on at their last meeting: her age; in ambiguous sentences, she implied that a person should not give in to age, that a person's age is not always a disadvantage, and that it is an absolutly marvelous feeling when a person finds out that he or she can quietly talk as an equal with younger people. "And children aren't everything either," she said all at once for no reason. "You know that I love my children, but there are other things in life."

  Frantiska's reflections did not depart even for an instant from their vague abstractness, and they would have unmistakably appeared to be mere idle talk to an uninitiated person. Only Havel was not an uninitiated person, and he discerned the purport hidden behind this idle talk. He gathered that his own happiness was only a link in a whole chain of happiness, and because he had a generous heart, he felt doubly good.

  11

  Yes, Dr. Havel had guessed correctly: the editor had dropped in on the woman doctor the very same day that his master had praised her. After just a few sentences he discovered within himself a surprising boldness, and he told her that he found her attractive and that he wanted to go out with her. The woman doctor stammered in alarm that she was older than he and that she had children. At this the editor gained self-confidence, and his words simply poured out: he claimed that she possessed a hidden beauty that was worth more than banal shapeliness; he praised her walk and told her that when she walked her legs were most expressive.

  And two days after this declaration, at the same time that Dr. Havel was contentedly arriving at the hot springs, where already, from a distance, he could see the muscular blonde, the editor was impatiently pacing up and down in his narrow attic; he was almost certain of success, but this made him all the more fearful of some error or mishap that could deprive him of it; every little while he would open the door and look down the stairs. At last he caught sight of her.

  The care with which Frantiska was dressed and made up changed her somewhat from the everyday woman who wore white pants and a white smock. To the excited young man it seemed that her erotic magic, heretofore only suspected, was now standing before him almost brazenly exposed, so that respectful diffidence assailed him. To overcome it he embraced the woman doctor in the doorway and began to kiss her frantically. She was alarmed by this sudden assault and begged him to let her sit down. He did let her, but he immediately sat at her feet and, on his knees, kissed her stockings. She put her hand in his hair and attempted to push him gently away.

  Let us note what she said to him. First she repeated several times: "You must behave yourself, you must behave yourself; promise me that you'll behave yourself." When the young man said: "Yes, yes, I'll behave myself," and at the same time moved his mouth farther up the rough nylon, she said: "No, no, not that, not that"; and when he moved it still higher, she suddenly began to use his first name and declared: "You're a young devil, oh you're a young devil!"

  Everything was decided by this declaration. The young man no longer encountered any resistance. He was carried away; he was carried away by himself, he was carried away by the swiftness of his success, he was carried away by Dr. Havel, whose genius had entered into him and now dwelled within him, he was carried away by the nakedness of the woman who was lying beneath him in amorous union. He longed to be a master, he longed to be a virtuoso, he longed to demonstrate his sensuality and savagery. He raised himself slightly above the woman doctor, with a passionate eye he examined her body lying there, and he murmured: "You're beautiful, you're magnificent, you're magnificent. ..."

  The doctor hid her belly with both hands and said: "You mustn't make fun of me�"

  "What are you talking about? I'm not making fun of you! You're magnificent!"

  "Don't look at me," she said, clasping him to her body so that he wouldn't see her. "I've had two children, you know."

  "Two children?" said the young man uncompre-hendingly.

  "It shows. I don't want you to look at me."

  This slowed the young man down a bit in his initial flight, and it was only with difficulty that he once again attained the proper arousal; in order to manage this better, he tried hard to reinforce with words his diminishing intoxication, and he whispered into the doctor's ear how beautiful it was that she was here with him naked, absolutely naked.

  "You're sweet, you're terribly sweet," said the woman doctor.

  The young man went on repeating the words about her nakedness, and, he asked her whether it was also arousing for her that she was here with him naked.

  "You're a child," said the woman doctor. "Of course it arouses me." But after a brief silence she added that so many doctors had already seen her naked that it had become ordinary. "More doctors than lovers," she said, and without interrupting their amorous movements she launched into an account of her difficulties in childbirth. "But it was worth it," she ended by saying: "I have two beautiful children. Beautiful, beautiful!"

  Once again his arousal, come by with difficulty, was slipping away from the editor. He even had the impression that they weren't making love but sitting in a cafe and chatting over a cup of tea. This outraged him. He began to make violent love to her again, and endeavored to engage her in more sensual thoughts: "When I came to see you last time, did you know that we would make love?"

  "Did you?"
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  "I wanted to," said the editor, "I wanted to terribly!" and into the word "wanted" he put immense passion.

  "You're like my son," the woman doctor said in his ear. "That kid wants everything too. I always ask him: Ts it the moon you want?'"

  That is how they made love: Frantiska talked to her heart's content.

  Then when they were sitting next to each other on the couch, naked and tired, the woman doctor stroked the editor's hair and said: "You have a cute little mop like him."

  "Like who?"

  "My son."

  "You're always thinking about your son," said the editor with timid disapproval.

  "You know," she said proudly. "He's his mother's pet, he's his mother's pet."

  Then she got up and dressed. And all of a sudden the feeling came over her in this young man's little room that she was young, that she was a really young woman, and she felt deliciously good. As she left she embraced the editor, and her eyes were moist with gratitude.

  12

  After a beautiful night, a beautiful day began for Dr. Havel. At breakfast he exchanged a few promising words with the woman who resembled a riding horse, and at ten o'clock, when he returned from his treatment, a loving letter from his wife awaited him in his room. Then he went to take a walk through the colonnade among the crowd of patients. He held the porcelain mug to his lips and he beamed with good humor. Women who at one time had passed by him without any show of interest now fastened their eyes on him, so that he nodded slightly to them in greeting. When he caught sight of the editor, he beckoned cheerfully to him: "I visited Frantiska this morning, and according to certain signs that cannot escape a good psychologist, it seems to me that you've met with success!"

  The young man wanted nothing more than to confide in his master, but the events of the past evening had somewhat perflexed him. He wasn't sure if it had really been as great as it should have been, and that being so, he didn't know whether a precise and truthful account would raise or lower him in Havel's estimation. He was hesitant about what he should confide and what he shouldn't.

  But when he now saw Havel's face beaming with cheer and shamelessness, he could do nothing but answer in a similarly cheerful and shameless tone, and, with enthusiastic words, he praised the woman Havel had recommended to him. He related how attractive he had found her when he had looked at her for the first time with eyes devoid of small-town prejudice, how she had quickly agreed to come to his place, and with what remarkable speed she had given herself to him.